So I came across this article the other day by James Michael Sama, a self-proclaimed relationship guru. The article was titled “8 Things She Secretly Loves” and it focuses on eight small things that a man can do that a woman secretly loves. Upon first glance of the title alone, my interest was piqued. I thought to my self, “here’s another man who think he knows what a woman wants.” After reading the article, I realized that Sama wasn’t necessarily wrong about things he listed, but I thought they could use some expounding upon. So, here goes …
1. Good morning texts
Sama says: “A good morning text first thing doesn’t just say “good morning” – it says ‘you’re the first person I thought of when I woke up today’.”
I say: While this action does hold some truth to it, it doesn’t mean that a woman automatically wants a man to send her a good morning text just for that thought alone. It’s actually so much deeper. Sending her a good morning text does let her know that she was first in your thoughts that morning, but it also lets her know that she is of importance to you.
2. Play with her hair if you’re laying together on the couch or in bed.
Sama says: Just do it. Trust me.
I say: Do you even know why you’re doing it? It’s not something that you just “do.” Playing in her hair relaxes her, creates intimacy and allows her to feel and reach another level of closeness with you.
3. Remember details.
Sama says: When you remember small details about your conversations, whether it be her usual coffee order or when she’s going out for girls’ night, it will let her know that you really pay attention and hear her when she talks.
Plus, it will give you gift ideas for future occasions if you know what she loves.
Hint: Putting your phone down helps with this one.
4. Watch her favorite TV show or movie with her.
Sama says: This will show her that you are willing to share in what she enjoys even if it’s not your first choice. Plus, you might find something new that you like without expecting it. Win/win.
I say: Do this! But what you should NOT do while doing this is complain … or talk about how stupid you think the show or movie is … or how the government wants to program us all with the media. This is neither the time nor the place for such behavior. Just sit down, shut up and watch it with her.
5. Put your hand on the small of her back when introducing her to someone.
Sama says: This is something I read a long time ago and it stuck with me for some reason. This is a passive sign of affection and isn’t inappropriate in a public setting, but it bonds the two of you together and helps her feel more comfortable.
I say: This especially works well if the two of you are in a public place or setting where she has never been or doesn’t know the people, like at a family reunion or if she’s meeting your friends for the first time. This small gesture really does add a huge level of comfort.
6. When you keep your promises.
Sama says: If you want her trust, you need to deserve it. A woman will instantly start losing faith in you the second you start to break your word, even if it’s something small like if you’re going to call her after work.
Integrity is hard to find these days, for both men and women. She won’t believe you if you tell her you’re different, you need to show her.
I say: He hit the nail right on the head … I have nothing else to add.
7. When you’re honest with her.
Sama says: Of course, honesty has to be delivered with tact and kindness. Nobody wants to be hurt, but they don’t want to be lied to either. If you’re always honest, she will know that you’re trustworthy and that you respect her enough to be straightforward with her.
The last thing you want is her doubting everything you say because you once lied to her.
I say: Once again, nothing else to say.
8. When you’re funny.
Sama says: If you want to keep a woman’s attention, manners are important. Good looks are a bonus, but having humor is a must. Don’t take my word for it, Stanford University says women genetically prefer funny men.
I say: I agree yet again. A woman loves a funny man, but don’t try to be overly funny because then it may look like you are trying too hard. Everything you say does NOT have to be a joke. Let the laughs come naturally and it’ll be that much more appreciated.
So most of these weren’t necessarily a secret, but knowing what’s important is of the utmost importance itself. These small gestures really go a long way and are bound to make for a happy relationship.
This Throwback Thursday Jam is one of my all-time favorites. Here is “Two Wrongs”, by Wyclef Jean and Claudette Ortiz from 90s R&B group City High. Enjoy. :)